I’ve not really been able to write a post for such a long time about anything really. Mum passed away at 3am on the 7th October 2021 (my birthday) and life has been so very difficult since she passed away. Even this post has taken me most of the day to sit and write. 

I’ve been busy with all of the things that I’ve had to do to afterwards. All of the organising of her funeral, sorting her ashes and everything else after a person permanently leaves your life. 

As a consequence, I realise (actually was told) that over the last two years my concentration has not been on myself but has been on Mum. In a way, it is still on mum and that my mind is in a place where I can’t do anything for me and I’m almost on auto-pilot, just shovelling huge amounts of junk and rubbish into my mouth as the control has gone. 

My mind constantly goes back to the images of her at the care home and her last few hours. I remember feeling so very tired when she passed away and I have no idea how I managed to get home at 5.30am. 

Work were awesome. I had two weeks compassionate leave from them and have been so understanding. My team leaders came to the funeral and that was so amazing. They certainly didn’t have to come along but they did. My good friend Jason from work also came along. I’m back in work and still working from home so at least I am being kept busy Monday to Friday.

Slimming World

I did go back to Slimming World for a few weeks until the week that she passed away. That was over a month ago now and I still haven’t been back. I did manage to lose 6lbs in that time which was nice to achieve. I’m hopeful that going back will help me get my mind back into some sort of focus.

I meant to go last week but my brain got the best of me and I stayed home. I know that I’ve put on again quite considerably and now it’s coming up to Christmas. December has to be one of the worst months ever for weight loss. However I now have to do something to get the weight loss back into some sort of shape. 

I’ve had my bike for nearly a year now and have gone nowhere on it. I’m to fat for it now. I’ve not been for a decent  walk since I went to Fiona’s for a couple of days. That was months ago. 

Certainly the next few weeks will be very difficult but I need to get myself back onto the plan. I’ve done it once and I can do it again but the longer that I leave it, the more difficult it’s going to be to get back and the more weight I will have to shift. 

So generally…

My mood is very low. It’s grief that’s causing it and I know that it will shift but it’s going to be a long while for this process to end. If I can lose a bit of weight between now and next summer then I will be happier. I’d love to be able to go abroad and have a proper holiday, something I’ve never had.

I’m considering taking a few weeks off and planning a trip down the West Coast of the USA. Seattle down to LA. I’m sure that the mum would be happy for me to enjoy the money that she’s left for me and I think that after everything then I deserve to have at least some fun with it. There will be money for savings which will be good but a new car, holiday and some work in the back garden would be a really big year.